Angelina Jolie in Versace: She showed an affinity for color on recent red carpets, which made me cheer, but now we're back to black. Snooze. I mean, she doesn't look bad, but come on now. Also, her leg must have been cold. 6/10
Sandra Bullock in Marchesa: That blousy top is doing her no favors. The waist also hits her at a weird spot. The belt looks like some kind of torture device attacking her from behind. Meh. 4/10
Melanie Griffith (with Antonio Banderas) in Yves Saint-Laurent: Well, the dress is pretty standard, but it fits her decently and she looks less cray-cray than she has in the past. 6/10
Sherri Sheperd: I am pretty sure that one of the rules for the red carpet is "don't let your bra show." If it's not, it should be. The color is nice, but that's about all I can say for this. 3/10.
Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera : Another person who defaults to no color too, too often. I can't say she looks bad, though--she is actually pulling off a peplum, for one thing. But it's all so SERIOUS and grande dame, and I think she's more fun than that, you know? 7/10
Busy Phillips in Dolce and Gabbana: This dress is pretty nice, and the choice of grey is striking. I am really not sure what's up with the blue earrings and the pink stripper shoes, though. The styling choices mean she did not stick the dismount, basically. 5/10
Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton: I appreciate her ability to rock the Mia Farrow hair as much as the next person. I can't help but think this is all a bit too twee even for her, though. Also, the pink purse does NOT go with the coral dress. And she is NOT rocking the peplum. Strip it from the dress and maybe I'd approve more. The jewelry and hair/face are exquisite, though. 6/10
Rooney Mara in Givenchy: I am off two minds about this. I approve of the "AudreyBot" (as Tom and Lorenzo call her) and her weird style; she looks to be the next Cate or, dare I say, Tilda. She is managing to do white that is not too bridal, but there is something so painful and.... insect-like about that top that I can't fully approve. However, her makeup is STUNNING. 5/10
Kate Mara in Jack Guisso Couture: In the battle of the Mara sisters, I call a draw. This is standardly pretty, and it's a nice color on her, but I can't get behind this one-armed shawl deal. Pretty makeup, but I don't see any bling, which is odd. Maybe the hair is hiding the earrings? 5/10
Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji: This was the first dress I unmitigatedly approved all night. The color works on her and doesn't look bridal. The shape is flattering--she looks straight up hot (perhaps she should introduce Melissa McCarthy to Tadashi Shoji?), and the styling is impeccable. She looked like the winner she was. 10/10
Glenn Close in Zac Posen: What an interesting color, something between black and bottle green. And everything from the neck up looks great. I enjoy the blazer, which I would look good on her in combination with some other outfit. The overall effect is just way too fussy. 5/10
Kristen Wiig in J. Mendel: Oh, honey. No. I called someone or other Miss Havisham at the Golden Globes, too, and I am getting that vibe with this--that gown actually looks like it's made of aged fabric. I get that she was going for casual and beachy, which is her style, and I mind that color less on brunettes than blondes, but this just makes me sad. But, uh, I like the cuff? 2/10
Ellie Kemper in Armani Prive: Aside from the crime that is her bangs (which are her usual bangs), I have no complaints here. The color is unusual enough to be striking on the carpet, and it works really well with her coloring. The rest is simple enough to let that color and shine speak for itself. Good showing for an Oscar noob. 8/10
Shailene Woodley in Valentino: Yet another white dress that is not bridal... or not current bridal, anyway. I can totally see someone rocking this as a wedding gown in the sixties or seventies. Which, by the way, is WAY before young Shailene here was born. Why she so desperately wants to age herself up is beyond me--maybe being nominated in a movie with George Clooney? But Hollywood is all about youth, , so she should look more fun, I think. My friend called her dress nun-like. AND the fit is not impeccable, which is required to pull of this kind of thing. 2/10
Sarah Hyland in Alberta Ferretti: I usually like her RC looks, but something about this is not doing it for me. The mauve is kind of a boring mauve; I think a jewel tone would suit her better. Also, the fit seems a little loose on top. 4/10
Giuliana Rancic in Tony Ward: This dress is great on her. She is a stick figure, and I am not entirely sure that's due to her cancer battle, but whatever the reason, she can rock something this form fitting. This is one of the cases where the popular detail of the night (shoulders) work as does the popular color of white. My only real complaint is that her hair is pulled too tight. 8/10
Meryl Streep in Lanvin: Let me get this out of the way: No. Just, no. And a thousand times, no, once you notice the shoes match the dress exactly. That being said, I guess because she's Meryl Streep clothes don't matter? And maybe clothes don't matter if you are accomplished (another discussion for another day). Even so, I just kind of wish that one of the most accomplished women in any profession anywhere in the world could dress herself with a bit more aplomb. She's still beautiful and in great shape, after all. Anyway, this color maybe could be fun on her if the dress were not so shapeless. With all that fabric, it's just too overwhelming, and I am sure she could find a simple gown that plays up her looks beautifully rather than overwhelming her completely. 1/10
Nancy O'Dell in.... who the hell cares? This is an abomination to anyone with eyes. Okay, let me back up. If not for the horrendous yellow and black choice (only a good color combo for super heroes), the dress has a pleasing shape and design. But I can't forgive it for burning my eyes out. 1/10
Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli: My immediate reaction to this was love, and I feel the same way in the cold light of day. I suspect not everyone will agree, but I don't care. This has a sense of movement and joy you don't often see nearly enough of on the RC (see Woodley, Shailene and Mara, Rooney), especially among the younger set who are dying to be taken seriously. Emma had a goofy bit on the actual telecast, and she dressed for the sure joy of that, and I applaud her. She's totally someone I want to invite over to my house for drinks now. 10/10
Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad: I should just find whatever I have said about her in past award shows and cut and paste it. Because that's what she's done, down to the hair. I mean, she doesn't look bad (though the sleeves are just puzzling), but otherwise, snooze. Point deducted for a near nip slip on stage. 5/10
Natalie Portman in vintage Dior: Her previous looks this awards season have not been up to her usual standard, but I think this marks a return to form. This vintage dress could easily be precious with the polka dots, but I kind of love them--they impart a sense of fun we, again, don't often see (see Stone, Emma). Especially from her. The hair is a big meh, but good job. 9/10
Gwenyth Paltrow in Tom Ford: I appreciate the risk here with the cape, but between the cape and the cuff I got a "Wonder Woman Gets Married Vibe" from it on the RC. Without the cape I appreciated it more, and it's not really all that bridal. The simplicity of it is pleasing on her, but the hair is blah and the makeup needs to turn the volume up just a tad to avoid washing her out so much. 6/10
Penelope Cruz in Armani Prive: This is a welcome departure for her form her usual super-dramatic gowns. This color is amazing, and the vintage look of it all softens her in a way I haven't seen before. I wish the hair were less literally vintage too, though. Leave the Full Betty Draper to Mad Men. 9/10
Milla Jovovich in Elie Saab: I saw her first when I tuned in and immediately knew the best dressed competition was over before I saw anyone else. THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE, BITCHES. 11/10
Maya Rudolph in Johanna Johnson: I don't mind the shoulder details here, though I suspect others may. The color is nice. The styling is nice. I am not completely feeling this, though, and I can't really say why. Maybe the proportions aren't quite right for her? 6/10
Leslie Mann in Roberto Cavalli: She brought it as far as the non-high profile people go. Sleek and sharp. 9/10
Berenice Bejo in Elie Saab: Another person whose dress is needlessly matronly. The proportions are all wrong, which helps to lend that impression. And a matchy bag? Heavens forefend. The hair is not good. 3/10
Melissa Leo in Reem Acra: Leave it to her to bring the crazy by wearing a sequined shirtdress. Whimsical! On the other hand... it's a sequined shirt dress? Reem Acra, why does that even exist? That sash is doing nothing to give her shape. 2/10
Melissa McCarthy in Marina Rinaldi: I guess this designer is a friend of hers from way back, but even so, girlfriend here needs a style intervention. I was serious when I said above that Octavia Spencer should hook her up with Tadashi Shoji, who clearly knows how to dress larger women. This just adds needless volume (aside from the slimming waist detail), and while the color is not awful on her, it is a kind of blah shade. Also, the construction seems sloppy down in the skirt. All around unfortunate, and since she's a beautiful woman I don't think this has to be the case. 0/10
Missy Pyle in Valentina Delfino: I guess this dress won some kind of green design competition... something other about not being cruel to silkworms? Who, as my beloved pointed out, don't have brains to even register cruelty. The mind boggles. Anyway, I like this color, but there are about five too many things going on; a color like this could speak for itself in a simpler dress. 4/10
Penelope Ann Miler in Badgley Mischka: Some of you may know that beige on blondes is my number one carpet pet peeve (thankfully infrequent this time), but this color is actually pretty good on her. The bust is flattering, but the midsection, not so much. 5/10
Rose Byrne in Vivienne Westwood: I appreciate the flair for drama here (this is supposedly midnight blue, btw). I thought it looked great on screen, but here it looks weirdly fitted: tight on top and weirdly draped around the middle. 6/10
Jane Seymour: I appreciate how, despite her age, she aims for a more difficult degree of execution in sexiness than La Streep, say. But this is just shy of being va-va-va-voom because of the unfortunate way in which it drags down her chest. She has the right idea, though. 7/10
Louise Roe: She was one of the red carpet reporters on ABC, and I think this is kind of a fun dress for that role. Interesting but shows she means business. 7/10
Nina Garcia in Jean Paul Gauitier Couture: She looks great. Also a good choice for an RC commentator. 8/10
Viola Davis in Vera Wang: First of all, I have to say how sad I am that my hometown girl lost to Meryl, who probably didn't really need to win for THAT role. That being said, I don't think this gown is flawless--again, too much going on--but the color is KILLER and overall, she brought it. I also am happy she went with her natural hair, but less happy her eyeshadow matched the dress. 9/10
Cameron Diaz in Gucci: Ehh, I've seen her look worse, but that's not really the reaction you want at the Oscars. The beige-on-blonde I loathe is a bit too much here. I would kill for a pop of emerald green or something. 5/10
Judy Greer in Monque Lhuillier: She mostly looks great! The hair may be a touch casual, but I don't know that wearing it up would be the best choice with that gown, either. 8/10
Kelly Osbourne in Badgeley Mischka: I quite like the green details and shape of this gown. But I am tired of her mauve hair. I am pretty sure my doll of one of She-Ra's friends had the same color hair. 7/10
Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen: Given her uneven track record, she's the last person I'd have expected to come out totally working a McQueen gown witha weird print, but here she is! The colors are great on her, and the styling choices soften and simplify things. Clearly some great stylist took her in hand. Biggest surprise of the night. 9/10
Stacy Keibler in Marchesa: Talk about trophy date--literally! This is her dress if it's anyone, but it's just not to my taste. I can't fault it, though. She even kind of pulls off that weird hip detail. 8/10
